The Mommy Way to Stay in Touch

Two weeks ago, I enjoyed my first girls weekend in ohhhh, about three years. After a pregnancy that kept me close to home, and two beautiful, demanding little ladies that have kept us hopping since they were born, time has just flown by. There have been weekends and occasions when we've gotten to spend time with friends of course, but those times were spent at weddings, holiday stuff, or all our kiddos were around and we spent 80% of the time chasing them. I am talking about me leaving -- alone -- for a solid day or two. Friends, it was so refreshing and wonderful to just have that time to chat, catch up, go to brunch, sit down for a leisurely dinner, and just chill for a minute.


On my flight home I started thinking about how fortunate I am to have some seriously amazing girlfriends. Like everyone else, we don't get to see each other enough (#adultlife), and I'll be the first to admit I'm awful about texting or calling just to check in and catch up. I think we all need to do more of that. Whether you've got a demanding career, kids that need all your time, or whatever else is going on in your life, can we all just try a little harder to keep in touch?

Our friendships matter, and as I've learned they matter even more after becoming a mom. It's no secret that motherhood can be lonely and isolating at times, especially if you stay home or work from home. It's just the nature of the beast. (Deliberate phrase choice because kids can definitely be beasts.) It's also a lot harder to make friends as you get older, so when you click with a new friend, make an effort to keep that relationship strong.



So, here's what I'm thinking. Let's chat about the Mommy Way to Stay in Touch.

1. Create a book club. This obviously only works for friends who are local, but create a book club for your friends and meet maybe once per month. I don't think you even need to read a book. Just choose something and act like everyone has to read it and gather discuss. Get a babysitter or give your spouse a quality evening with the littles and go. Don't feel guilty. This can also take on the form of any kind of club or group that meets.

2. Schedule phone dates. You have to schedule date nights, so schedule a Skype, FaceTime or just a phone call with your friends. It's hard to catch each other when you're driving home from work and especially at home because there's usually chaos in the background. So, find a time that you can both devote a solid 30 minutes or so to chatting.

3. Text. Anytime -- for anything. I love getting random texts from friends. We send quotes from Sex & the City, get and give advice, and sometimes just say, "Hey, thinking of you today." Keeping in touch doesn't have to be a long session catching up on big things. I always wonder if what I am saying is important enough to send. The answer is often probably not, but still...I send it. I won't lie, sometimes it takes hours, maybe even days to respond, but the thought is there and we all know everyone is busy so it's fine.

4. Use social media. I got pretty sick of Facebook and was over social media before becoming a mom. Now I kind of love it again, especially Instagram. I have found so many great resources via social media. Plus, I genuinely enjoy seeing pregnancy announcements, baby pictures, work and travel updates, funny comments and stories -- whatever -- I'm into it. When friends post something, take a second to comment on it or text them about it. It's nice to know people care about what you're up to, especially those near and dear.

5. Make the girls weekend or boys weekend happen. Just do it. Again, don't feel guilty. I fought that guilt when I left, but that time with dear friends was so worth it. I let go of the guilt when I realized I'd return home recharged and relaxed because I did something good for my soul. That's exactly what time with friends is -- it's good for the soul.


So, there they are. That's as far as I've gotten figuring out my Mommy Way to stay in touch. It's a work in progress, but friendships are a priority no matter what stage of life we're in, and I will continue to work to be better at treating them that way.

How do all of you keep up with friends? What am I missing? 
How can this busy mama make it easier? 

Leaving Home

Today wrapped up the tagging, packing, and loading almost six years of memories, furniture, and all the "stuff" in our house. The entire contents of our home, plus my car are currently on their way to Hinton, Alberta, hopefully arriving at our new house on Tuesday. More and more of my world has worked its way through this relocation -- first Josh, then Ruby, and now everything else except our girls and me.


We will fly up next weekend, after about a million boxes arrive there and Josh can fly home over the weekend to travel back with us. Good Lord, I cannot even imagine the chaos that would ensue if I took Molly and Maddie on their first flight by myself, an international flight nonetheless, with a week's worth of luggage. Oh, the horror!! 😂

After the busyness of the past few days has settled and the girls and I are cozied up at my parents' house, I realized I didn't have the breakdown I was anticipating when I saw our empty home. At least no breakdown yet. I have loved our house so so much and have often told Josh it would take building our dream home to get me out of there. However, when I saw our empty rooms today all I could think was that it didn't really feel like our house anymore. So weird.


It's my family and the comfort of our own furniture, photos, artwork, and toys that have made it feel like home. It has been the parties, holidays, family dinners, yard work, cookouts, and Saturday morning snuggles that have made it feel like home. The built-in bookcases and pretty granite have helped -- I love a good built-in -- but they're just materials without our books, pictures, and piles of mail on them.


We moved into this house in July 2012 on a day that was well over 100 degrees. It was miserable, and we moved in stages over several days because we were blending my apartment and Josh's first house a couple months before our wedding. Our "crew" consisted of us, my parents, and Josh's brother. When we moved in, I immediately knew where I wanted to put our Christmas tree, but the rest was a work-in-progress, as I changed things around all the time. This house experienced a lot with us. We spent the night before our wedding in it, against our plans, because Josh was sick and running a fever. I didn't want to leave him alone. We brought our sweet Ruby home when she was about 10 weeks old, and as soon as she got inside she pooped on our living room carpet.


We threw a surprise 30th anniversary party for my mom and dad, hosted our girls' first and second birthday parties in our backyard, and welcomed friends and family as much as possible. I found out I was pregnant in our house and vividly remember the night we had to leave for the hospital when I was having early labor signs during dinner. A dinner that was cut short not only by that, but by Ruby eating the meat off an e n t i r e rotisserie chicken. So gross.


I spent the last two months of my pregnancy on bedrest in our house and discovered the joy of Netflix. Game changer when you can only get up to use the restroom. We came home with our daughters after they spent two weeks in the NICU. Molly also pooped literally as soon as we got home for the first time. Our daughters both crawled, walked, and talked for the first time within the walls of this house. They've also tackled each other, bit, and climbed on things they shouldn't.

We have laughed, cried, played, rested, argued, worked through decisions, and loved so much in this house. I know we will do the same in our next one.



So I still have several more trips to make to our house to tie up a few loose ends, so there's a pretty good chance I'll eat my words and ugly cry at some point, but don't worry I won't post pictures of that.

I am so looking forward to getting our little crew back together and making our new house feel like home. My home is wherever my family is. Built-ins and granite -- maybe some nice hardwood floors -- are all just added bonus.

Word of the Year

I may be a little late to the game, but I finally wrapped my head around this idea of choosing a word to focus on in this new year. At first, I thought the idea was bonkers -- how can one word encompass all my goals and ideas for the next 12 months? I guess when you are struck with the right word, it can.

So, last night while I was getting our girls ready for bed and thinking about the next few weeks and months ahead of us (more on that later -- we're preparing for a long-distance move), the word wellness came to mind. The idea of wellness has been at the forefront of my thoughts for some time, more focused on doing and being better instead of trying to be "healthy" for vanity purposes or only in the short-term.


My idea of wellness going forward means working toward bettering myself and my family physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually so we can rest assured we can enjoy each other and new adventures with joyful hearts and healthy bodies.

I gather that this wellness word of the year thing is kind of like setting a goal, so there are a few things I want to share that I'm using to help us be well.

Physically:

Over the past few months, I've been researching and testing all kind of different ideas and plans focused on eating as nutritiously and "whole food focused" as possible. I'm over the dieting thing and do not want to pass any weird food phobias to our daughters (#girlmom), so I want to teach them from the get-go that healthy, colorful, nutrient-rich foods are both delicious and necessary to be well. Personally, I have learned a ton from Kelly Leveque's book Be Well By Kelly which outlines how our bodies process food and why certain foods make us feel good or bad, hungry in 20 minutes, etc. It's awesome and packed with tons of practical advice and recipes. I am moving toward making her Fab Four smoothies every morning for breakfast.

Another game-changer for me as been a course I took by local food and meal planning expert Allie Peach. She is a mama of young kids, busy with work, and super relatable. Her message is "Empowering women to cook real food at home". I took her meal planning course in October and use the knowledge I gained d a i l y -- seriously every single day. I am working toward cooking our meals with veggies, fruits, lean meat, good carbs, and healthy fats while relying less and less on anything prepackaged or artificial. I am seeing more and more that eating real food makes you feel better and provides so many health benefits.



Mentally & Emotionally:

Wellness in the mental and emotional sense is mostly for my benefit. As a mama of twin two-year-olds, my mind and emotions are stressed daily. Our girls are the greatest joy in my life and I love them with every ounce of myself, but GOOD LORD do they test me! I know you get it. The climbing, repeating requests, hearing "no" dozens of times each day, and just keeping up with their energy is taxing. I need a breather and need to do something that challenges my mind and lets me feel emotions in other ways.

I am really going to be focused on improving and building this blog throughout the year. I have SO much to learn and do, but I can't wait to try. I have ideas that feel like they are going to explode from my mind and heart, and I will share everything with you -- good and bad. Writing, learning, and doing this for myself is going to help my mind and heart be well this year. So important for a mom and wife!



Spritually:

We gotta get back to church. It was a goal of mine last year, and it just didn't happen. I pray daily and while not super-public about my religious beliefs, they are important to me and important to both my husband and me in how we raise our girls. In addition to getting back into a church routine, which always centers and comforts me, I think doing things that are good for the soul are also included in spiritual wellness. What feeds your soul? Do you know? I'm not sure I do. Writing does for sure, and so does time with dear friends and family, but I can't help but feel there is something else I can be doing for my spiritual self. I'll keep y'all posted on that part.

So, there you go. Wellness is the word of the year for me. I urge you to join me and use this as your focus this year too. Also, I'd love to hear how you're working to find wellness this year too!

Heading to "School"

The girls have been going to Morning Out for a few weeks -- 3 to be exact. I take them on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and they are there from 9:30 - 1:30. We all cried pretty hard the first day, but it has gotten better. I've been getting great "reports" from their teacher when I pick them up about how well they've played, and they seem to be getting more comfortable being there because they wave and say "hi" to everyone who walks by.


These little instances make my heart so happy and also help me reassure myself that this new adventure is good for them and will be beneficial for all of us in the weeks and months ahead. I'd like to share the reasons we decided to send Molly and Maddie to Morning out -- primarily socializing/development and time for me. I'd also like to share some recommendations on what to look for when you are considering a program. I was pretty thorough and asked an annoying number of questions (typical) during our search, but I think it paid off. When we send our kiddos somewhere for several hours each week, or more if they go to full-time daycare, we want to feel very comfortable and confident that they're in the best place possible to learn and be cared for when we're not there.

We decided to start looking into Morning Out programs last fall when the girls were almost 18 months. They were becoming very active, curious, and more social around other kids, and it was also becoming more and more difficult for me to get things done around the house, get my small amount of work done, and make time to do some fun activities as well. 


Our main goal with Morning Out is giving the girls a chance to be around other kids and become comfortable in an environment other than our house. They've been home full-time with me, Josh, and/or my parents their whole lives. I was afraid they were missing out on socializing and making friends and developing more speech and listening skills. I also wanted them to have a little structure so they are ready for some new activities like dance or soccer, or just story time at the library -- all of which have been pretty chaotic when we've gone because the girls just want to do their own thing. So far, I think they are getting those things, and they're getting to play with new toys, go outside with their classmates, and do some fun art projects. 

The other main purpose in looking into Morning Out programs was to give me some extended periods of time do, well, whatever I need to do. Cleaning, work, and errands are always at the top of the priority list, but I also wanted some time to just sit and read for a bit or run into one of my favorite stores and stay for longer than five minutes. It has become increasingly difficult to do a lot of things because the girls always want to be with us, which I love, but I started feeling like I wasn't giving them the best of me because I was always thinking about my To Do List. Not okay.

So, those feelings are what got us looking. Now, what exactly were we looking for? Here are the things we considered priorities in making this big decision:
  1. Reputation. Not in a fancy or snooty way, but which programs got great recommendations and reviews for being nurturing, fun, and challenging for the kiddos. I keep thinking about the episode of Modern Family when Mitch and Cam are interviewing at preschools for Lilly. Anyone seen that one?? I looked to my Moms of Multiples group because I trust their judgment and many have "been there done that" with these things. Find a friend or family member that has first-hand knowledge of the program.
  2. Location. I didn't want to drive 30 or 40 minutes to take the girls to school. I loved the idea of going somewhere close to home, and hopefully meeting friends who will eventually be in preschool and elementary school with our girls. That much driving also defeated my purpose of making the most of my time to be productive. I'd probably just stop and shop along the way!!
  3. Where to buy their backpacks and lunch boxes. Kidding...kind of...it's a tough choice.
Once we narrowed our choices down to 2, I was able to talk to the directors of each program and ask questions about curriculum, safety, class sizes, tuition, etc. We got on a waiting list for each (be prepared for a waiting list of  at least 6 months) and then I set up a tour at our first choice. I'm SO glad I did that tour because it answered so many questions and made me so excited for Molly and Maddie to have some fun new adventures. If you have the opportunity, try to visit maybe your top two or three choices. It would have been so hard to make the decision just based on a phone call.


We were on a waiting list from October - April. I called about once a month to check in and make sure they knew we wanted to start this summer. Most programs run like the school year and may or may not have a summer session, so ask about that. It's a little more laid back where we are, which I think is perfect to get the little ladies acclimated to everything. 

My biggest advice, whether you're like us going Morning Out, looking for full-time daycare, or maybe even school options, is to choose the place you're most comfortable leaving your littles. Knowing they're in good hands makes my time to myself worthwhile because I can actually focus rather than worry about them the whole time. 

I'm working on a list of "gear" that has been helpful as we've gotten started. I'm a rookie so it's taken a few weeks to figure out what the girls actually need. Stay tuned for that soon! 

If you're local and want some info about the various places we looked into, send me a message on Instagram. I'd be very happy to share! 

Toddler Trail Mix -- check my Instagram for recipe! @thespilledmilkmom


The Running Mom

I have jogged pretty consistently since high school. Initially, I did it to condition and improve for volleyball, and at the time I thought running was miserable. After high school sports were done for me, I kept at it to look a certain way, which continued through college. I didn't mind running, and I felt good after working up a sweat, but my reasons for getting out and hitting the pavement were pretty superficial. Early 20s, am I right?

Fast forward to now. Going for a run means something so much more to me these days. Sure, it helped me lost the almost 60 pounds I gained while pregnant with Molly and Maddie, and I am thankful to be at a healthy weight again, but that's not what keeps me going.


First, I have experienced what it's like to not be able to get out and move. I had bad morning (noon and night) sickness in my first trimester with the girls, and when we found out I was carrying twins, my doctor recommended cutting out running. At about 24 weeks I was put on bedrest, so at that points any form of activity was put on hold. I sat on our couch all day e v e r y d a y. It was rough, friends. During that time I often thought about how hard it would be to live my whole life with such difficulty and lack of movement. I gained such an appreciation for having a body that could move, and I vowed that as soon as I could after the babes arrived, I would get back to being active.

That newfound appreciation for physical movement gave way to a lot of emotional and mental movement that came along with becoming a parent of twins. Mommin' can be tough, and it's constant, and you have to be the best version of yourself to be the best mom you can be. Running helps me do that. I tend to be a little high strung and impatient, sometimes quick to snip, and often hard on myself. That's not a good combination for a happy mama! Running helps me keep those emotions and thoughts at bay.


On days when I am upset with myself for not keeping the house picked up, or anxious about whether the girls are developing on track as they should, or just replaying a conversation I had or comment I made that I regret or wish I could go back and do over, I work through it on my run. Many times, I like to pray during my run too. It's often the only time I can actually think in complete, coherent thoughts.

I tend to organize my feelings, thoughts, plans, and day dream during those 10-minute miles (9:45 on a good day). I just feel like me and have the opportunity to be grateful for my family, my health, and the wonderful chaos we live each day.

I hope all of you have something that frees your mind that way. Whether it's running like me, or yoga, or sewing, or writing, playing music, etc. -- whatever it is, keep doing it. We all need to share the things in our lives that make us feel great, strong, and capable. I feel strongest on the days that I push 50 pounds of toddler in a stroller for 4 miles. I LOVE looking down and seeing my best little buddies snacking on their animal crackers and kicking their feet in the breeze.


Now that I have shared (probably too much) about my motivation and gratitude for running, I'd like to share a few of the essentials that help me get out each week.

This section contains some affiliate links. I feel like it's important to note that all opinions and first-hand experiences are my own. These are things I've bought and use all the time!

I am pretty basic in the gear I use. I love these tank tops for warm days. I don't feel too exposed and they're super light and comfortable. I just got a couple of fun Nike tops that I like too.
My favorite bottoms are Lululemon running skirts and Nike tempo shorts (so many great colors!). No irritating, painful chafing with either, and they're great for errands too.


I have run in Asics shoes for as long as I can remember. These are my current ones, and I've been really happy with them because they are lightweight and have great cushioning.


My big ticket items are my running stroller and FitBit. I wear my FitBit Surge most of the time because I like to track steps and my heart rate, and this one has a GPS in it for distance.


The most crucial piece of the running puzzle is our Bob Duallie stroller. My mom bought gave me this at my baby shower, and it has been priceless. Once the little get the approval from your pediatrician, load them up and take off. The girls do really well in this stroller. I think they are comfortable, have freedom to kick their legs, can see where we're going, and have plenty of air flow. I also love the large canopies to keep them shaded, and there are storage options for snacks, drinks, and the occasional stuffed animal.


We often take this stroller on day trips because it's so easy to push and maneuver. I can't recommend this bad boy enough if you're a walker or runner. It's an investment, but they are high quality strollers that hold their value (good for eventual resale). Here is the singleton version of what I have.

As always, send any questions or comments my way. I'd be happy to share more details about anything I have talked about. Have a fabulous weekend -- cheers!

Simplify.Celebrate.Enjoy -- Second Birthday Recap

Our girls turned two about three weeks ago. We had a nice party for them at our house, and thankfully the weather cooperated and we got to spend the majority of the evening outside. It was a pretty run-of-the-mill party, simple, and full of love. It was perfect, and I use that word intentionally.


Do you want to know what the best part was this year? I actually got to be with my daughters and watched them enjoy their party. If that seems like a strange thing to say, let me run through a quick comparison of this year's party vs. their first birthday.


First Birthday

40 or so guests
catered food
made a smash cake from scratch (which turned out awful by the way)
had a cake made
made brownies
bought too many decorations
very specific "It's a Party" theme with all decorations coordinating
waited until the last minute to put up decorations
had a small army fanning out paper flowers (so sorry to some of my dearest friends!)
spent too much time perfecting dessert table, appetizer table, & drink table
ran around checking everything most of the evening
embarrassed myself ugly crying during "Happy Birthday" song
Maddie started running a fever during the party
didn't say good-bye to any guests
didn't open presents until the next day


I'm exhausted just remembering that weekend. My biggest lesson? SIMPLIFY and accept help.


Now let's fast forward.


Second Birthday

15 guests
Josh grilled burgers and hot dogs
no more cake baking for this mama
Picked up our cake from Sweet Betty's Bakery in Evansille. YUM!
simple chips, dip, & "cook out" food
no fancy cocktails
recycled paper flowers and lanterns from last year
loosely interpreted pink & gold theme
girls wore "princess" dresses I found on clearance at Target (so cute!) & tiaras from Lubberdubber's
chased the babes around and played
sat and had dinner with the birthday girls
got to actually catch up with some of my favorite people
still cried a little singing "Happy Birthday"
opened presents with everyone


Why am I sharing these silly lists? I hope you can see the difference between how I remember these celebrations. I know the first birthday is especially important, and it's a major milestone for both the kiddo and parents. My point is that the special day shouldn't be overshadowed by us mamas putting pressure on ourselves to make everything just right.


The best parts about those parties were the moments I saw Molly and Maddie smile, laugh, and run around our yard with a balloon having so much fun. I got to share a lot more of those this time around, and it was so special. I know someday our girls' birthday parties will revolve more around their friends, so I'm soaking up these moments for as long as possible.


Here's my point. Enjoy your babies and guests instead of trying to do too much like I did. This year's party was still lovely and festive, and most importantly I learned that balloons provide a lot of bang for your buck in terms of party decor. Seriously, go nuts...never too many.



Until next time, cheers to you, friends! 






Time is (Not) On My Side

I've been thinking about time a lot lately. Usually, I just think about not having enough time to do all the things I need to do throughout the day. I've been waking up earlier to start my day before the girls get up, and I've been using nap time more efficiently too (meaning I do dishes or laundry instead of scrolling Instagram). However, when we go to sleep at night I still feel like I got very little accomplished. I'm always rushing around, and yet, I have nothing to show for it.

Anyone else feel that way?

It's the pits...and it's also being really hard ourselves. Last night I was busting my own chops about not getting everything done as I had intended, and my husband told me to stop imposing so many expectations on myself and just slow down. He just said "do a little more tomorrow, or the next day." It hit me that I am the one creating all of this craziness in my mind, and better yet, why?

The Secret Life of Pets on repeat.
It boils down to this...for me at least. I need something to "show" for my day. I don't work full-time anymore, so I don't come home with a completed to-do list from the office or a successful meeting or presentation. Those kind of things used to be really important to me, kind of solidifying my worth.

My "worth" now is being the best mom possible to Molly and Maddie, and that doesn't always paint a pretty picture. At the end of the day, I don't always get the kitchen cleaned up and toys put away (especially if the little ladies decide to stay up and play until 10:00). I rarely wear makeup or fix my hair, and most days "getting dressed" means changing into my running clothes so I'll be ready when we decide to go.

We are now 2 years into this new normal, and that is another type of time I've had on my mind. How on Earth are our girls 2 years old?? I still remember the day they were born so vividly. They are growing and changing so quickly, I am reminded on a daily basis to slow down and just be with them. They don't care if the dishes are done, and they actually prefer to have their toys strewn about their playroom and our living room so they're all out and ready for action.


What they seem to care about is coloring or reading or building block towers together. They want me sitting right by them, and I'm so thankful for that. I'm going to try really hard to combat this idea of always being super productive and using my time efficiently, and I'm going to focus on spending time doing things that make me happy and fulfill me. That thought brought me back to this poor, neglected blog.

I hope to visit a bit more now because Molly and Maddie just started their Morning Out program a couple days each week, which I'm sure I'll write about soon. Mama is going to need to have something to look forward to while they're gone -- I can only clean so much.


In the meantime, go easy on yourself, mama. I will try to do the same. We're all in this rat race together and it's nice to know others can relate. This time in our families' lives is finite, and very precious, so soak it in.

Speaking of time -- I hear some little toddler feet running in here. Nap time is over. Thanks for stopping by!