Friday, June 2, 2017

Time is (Not) On My Side

I've been thinking about time a lot lately. Usually, I just think about not having enough time to do all the things I need to do throughout the day. I've been waking up earlier to start my day before the girls get up, and I've been using nap time more efficiently too (meaning I do dishes or laundry instead of scrolling Instagram). However, when we go to sleep at night I still feel like I got very little accomplished. I'm always rushing around, and yet, I have nothing to show for it.

Anyone else feel that way?

It's the pits...and it's also being really hard ourselves. Last night I was busting my own chops about not getting everything done as I had intended, and my husband told me to stop imposing so many expectations on myself and just slow down. He just said "do a little more tomorrow, or the next day." It hit me that I am the one creating all of this craziness in my mind, and better yet, why?

The Secret Life of Pets on repeat.
It boils down to this...for me at least. I need something to "show" for my day. I don't work full-time anymore, so I don't come home with a completed to-do list from the office or a successful meeting or presentation. Those kind of things used to be really important to me, kind of solidifying my worth.

My "worth" now is being the best mom possible to Molly and Maddie, and that doesn't always paint a pretty picture. At the end of the day, I don't always get the kitchen cleaned up and toys put away (especially if the little ladies decide to stay up and play until 10:00). I rarely wear makeup or fix my hair, and most days "getting dressed" means changing into my running clothes so I'll be ready when we decide to go.

We are now 2 years into this new normal, and that is another type of time I've had on my mind. How on Earth are our girls 2 years old?? I still remember the day they were born so vividly. They are growing and changing so quickly, I am reminded on a daily basis to slow down and just be with them. They don't care if the dishes are done, and they actually prefer to have their toys strewn about their playroom and our living room so they're all out and ready for action.

What they seem to care about is coloring or reading or building block towers together. They want me sitting right by them, and I'm so thankful for that. I'm going to try really hard to combat this idea of always being super productive and using my time efficiently, and I'm going to focus on spending time doing things that make me happy and fulfill me. That thought brought me back to this poor, neglected blog.

I hope to visit a bit more now because Molly and Maddie just started their Morning Out program a couple days each week, which I'm sure I'll write about soon. Mama is going to need to have something to look forward to while they're gone -- I can only clean so much.

In the meantime, go easy on yourself, mama. I will try to do the same. We're all in this rat race together and it's nice to know others can relate. This time in our families' lives is finite, and very precious, so soak it in.

Speaking of time -- I hear some little toddler feet running in here. Nap time is over. Thanks for stopping by!

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